Winter always pushes me into a deep funk that I don’t usually manage to climb out of until late March or early April. Compounding the usual slide into SAD-depression is my bout of unemployment, as well as some family issues–Some of you are aware that my dad’s had a string of health problems over the past 10 years or so, and most recently, had another scary stint in the hospital. Thankfully, he’s okay and was home in time for Christmas, which is why I headed to Ohio right before the holiday. But this week, for some reason, I broke down. I had grand plans for what I was going to get done around the house, as well as things to make, and instead, spent most of Monday in tears. I decided to go ahead and bake something, to try and snap out of it, so I made these Double Chocolate Pecan Cookies.
While these aren’t super-dark chocolate like others I’ve made, I wanted something that would reflect my brooding and sadness.
Why chocolate cookies then? Chocolate can be dark, earthy, slightly bitter, and it suited my mood. I wasn’t looking for fun cookies to lighten things. I wanted a cookie that was nutty, rich, emotional. Sounds borderline bonkers, doesn’t it? This is what happens when you’re cooped up all day, suffer seasonal depression, and have spent the past three weeks contemplating life, death, whether or not you’re a complete failure for walking away from a job you really weren’t happy at doing any more, and whether or not you have the courage and determination to at least try and make a go of what you’ve dreamed of doing since you were eight years old, even if it only winds up being temporary.
Still, there’s something to be said for some introspection, forced or otherwise. And if nothing else, I should be grateful for now having the time to accomplish projects both for the blog as well as around the house. Especially because I might actually start off the new year with a clean house–something that’s really fallen by the wayside over the past six months or so. There are only so many hours in the day, y’know?
While they don’t make everything completely better, there is something comforting about cookies and a cup of coffee.