“I twist a shade to my right…”

One of the downsides to having a blog that friends and family read is the inevitable self-censorship that happens. I alluded to having something basically blow up in my face yesterday, and I was pretty pissed about it. I somewhat still am. But unless you’re my husband or one of the 2 other people I told about it yesterday, you’ll never know what sent me into a blind rage yesterday. Why? Because there are people who would be offended and rather upset if I aired dirty laundry for all the Internets to see. One of the nice aspects when I was blogging at Blog City (which I think has gone by the wayside by now), was the ability to post private entries, and have them virtually invisible…Unless one was granted the password to unlock them. I have no idea if this feature exists on WordPress–If it does, I haven’t figured it out yet. And really, I guess don’t need it. If I want to vent my frustrations, I still keep a paper journal, and I can scribble my heart out.

Still, it got me thinking about self-censorship, and the possibility of having a truly private blog, that no one other than myself ever knew about. Any readers who stumbled upon it would have no idea who I was, just that I’m occasionally a very angry individual (my much nicer & milder-tempered husband claims I’m passionate, not angry–Something he also says in regards to the bambino, who inherited my temper). I am one who does a lot of brooding, and complaining, but if I don’t, I internalize too much, which results in stomachaches, headaches, anxiety & insomnia. I need to be able to get things off my chest and get them out of my system, lest they fester. I need to learn to let things roll off my back. But until then, I spend time venting my anger at whoever will listen to me, or I go into the kitchen, and bake something or find an excuse to get out the meat mallet, and pound the hell out of something.

By the time I got home, I was far less irritable. But it’s still fun to pound chicken breasts into oblivion. So that this:

Becomes this:

I swear, sometimes I hate my camera. If I could afford it, I’d get a better one. At the very least, I’d like to see about getting a mini-tripod to aid in my shaky, often-craptastic photos.

Dinner was not so much a failure, though.

Delicious Lemon Brown Sugar Chicken. It’s been awhile since I’ve made it, and in spite of it being hotter than Hades again, I turned on the oven anyway.

And it was SO worth it.

Some brown rice on the side, to soak up all that wonderful sauce. I swear, I would lick the plate clean. I really need to start doubling this recipe or something…I could easily eat 2 pieces of chicken…Or at least have some for lunch tomorrow!

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3 Replies to ““I twist a shade to my right…””

  1. I totally understand about the censoring your blog. There are things going on that I would love to get off my chest, but I decide against it when I look at the “better good.” So I get ya, sister. No probs with me! I hope your days get happier again soon.

  2. I do the same because I know who regularly reads my blogs and I know certain people are super sensitive and if I wrote stuff about them/issues they’d be upset. That’s when I usually go awal from the blog for awhile to wallow in my own pity. Hope things are getting better!

  3. Stacie–It’s easier to keep the peace than to just let everything out…And while just once I’d love to just unleash everything, I’m too chicken to do so! :)

    Erin–Same here–I know who’s reading, so I keep quiet. At least I have my paper journal still…NO one sees that, so I can write whatever I want!