“You Be Me for Awhile…”

I had a whole entry prepped for today–I do that when I actually have the time to devote to writing. Jay and I worked on trimming the hedge this afternoon, and because it’s been about a year since we’ve really done any work on them, we only did half. And we ran out of yard waste bags, so even if we wanted to keep going, we wouldn’t have had anything in which to stuff all the branches and clippings.

And because it was such back-breaking work (today, I trimmed and he bagged. Tomorrow when we do this, he’ll trim and I’ll bag), we’ve done nothing for the rest of the day. We watched about 3 hours of Father Ted, I ate a bunch of tortilla chips, some ice cream, and a Hershey bar with some peanut butter. That, and a Caffe Mocha from Starbucks while I was grocery shopping, along with this beauty from Buttercrust:

Are all I’ve eaten today.

In the hours I’ve spent today sitting on my butt, I’ve been allowing myself to wallow a bit. I don’t really know why–I got a helluva workout just in doing that half of the hedge. But I’ve been battling some feelings of inadequacies lately. It’s nothing I should let bother me–There’s nothing that can really be done about it at this point. I know I’m being cagey again, and I apologize for that. I’m just fed up with a lot of things that alternately piss me off or make me feel like crap about myself. Days like today, I can’t see past the fact that I knocked out half of a really horrid landscape/yard-work job…No, instead, I focus on the laundry list of home improvement-type things that we need to repair/replace and I worry about where we’re going to get the money to accomplish all this. I see pictures or read statuses on Facebook from friends and family spending time in places I only dream of visiting someday, or I read about other bloggers getting opportunities for trips/reviews/whatever that I’ll also never have. And I wonder why it drives me mad with jealousy or envy. Why do I care what other people do or what they have? I really don’t know, other than the unfairness aspect of some things. I work hard, and I can’t see the rewards I do have. Instead I see people I perceive as deadbeats or lazy sods reaping the benefits I feel like I should have. I dunno. Like Jay’s always reminding me, we never know what goes on behind closed doors. People generally put their best faces on and best feet forward, so what’s hidden away or under the surface could be a complete trainwreck. I think I’m just rambling about a whole lot of nothing, so I should probably call it a night.

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9 Replies to ““You Be Me for Awhile…””

  1. You don’t know what opportunities you’ll never have, just keep doing what you’re doing. Or, try something different. Go with what makes your heart happy and opportunities you never dreamed of may just come your way. Life is funny like that. And facebook is so full of shit! You mostly hear only the good stuff that makes people’s life look so interesting and wonderful and fantastic, and not the moments that would let us believe those lives are as ordinary-feeling as our own (because life is so rarely ever ordinary, sometimes we just forget to see and feel and touch the beauty around us).

    • You’re so very right. :) Jay reminds me all the time too, as far as blogging, even in the days where I wasn’t making any money off it, and no one but 4 or 5 people was reading, I still wrote. I’d still write, no matter what. It might not be great, it might never make me famous or a lot of money (which isn’t necessarily something I’d want anyway), but it’s a part of me. And if nothing else, maybe someday my grandkids will read this, and realize where their special brand of crazy comes from! ;)

  2. Hi Rachel,
    I had to come back to the older post to see what you were bummed about! so I read it and I have to say, it seems a normal reaction. When I was blogging, expecially when I had dmcgirl I would visit other sites and think, what the hell? IGE especially, because she seems so “ordinary”. Nothing special except she is adorable, don’t get me wrong, but there is nothing out of the ordinary there and she gets so many ops. But then if you look a bit deeper, she is wholesome type, and kind of the popular girl next door type. She is relatable but everyone.
    Don’t let it get you down. You need to decide why you have a blog and if it fulfills your personal needs or do you do it for those kind of ops. Do you want to be on a morning show or go to CA for a blog conference? I know I would not have been comfy with either really!!! Anyway, I gave up the blog and now I just read with my coffee and enjoy. I can tell you one thing, I bet IGE and others are WAY jealous and envious of The pioneer woman who RULES the blog circuit! Perspective Rach!!!

    • Hey, I wouldn’t turn down a free trip to CA, or just about anywhere else! :) However, I am thankful I live in a small enough town that if for whatever reason the local news wanted to feature me, they’d have to drive an hour out of their way to do so. Not to mention, I probably wouldn’t do it in the first place! That is why you will most likely NEVER see a vlog or more than about 5 pictures of me on this site, EVER. I also know I would never want to be Pioneer Woman big…No thanks! Still, I guess my biggest issue (besides the whole jealousy thing, which I need to get over) is that I’m impatient. IGE started her blog about a year or 2 before me…In the world of food blogging, I’m a late-comer, and most likely missed the boat on a lot of things. Plus, the blog is kind of like me in real life…I’ve never really fit one certain label, and my blog doesn’t either. But I figure, I’m going to keep at it, and just see where it goes. That’s all I can do!

  3. I love that fact that Pioneer kicks IGE ass! LOL.. see, we are all human! ;-) I think I read IGE cause I want to see when she has kids and finally, some spit up on her cute outfits, that would be fun to see, huh? Real Life!

    Hopefully, she is healthy and can have kids, I would feel badly if not. But she is getting in her late 20s, so time is a tickin.

  4. btw.. IGE was in the magazine industry for a long time and she worked at a publishing house and made contacts that way. She also is a featured blogger in the Des Moines news paper, look it up. She is connected. Her brothers have really radical, fundimental faith based blogs that are horrible. Sadly popular as well. They are kind of media whores, just sayin.

    • Yeah…I know. I wouldn’t mind a little more publicity, but I don’t seek out the spotlight or anything. There’s no way I’d do what PW does (although I’d be in heaven if I ever won a trip to her ranch!)…Gads! I sound like a whiny brat, don’t I? :D I need to shut up & remind myself that I don’t have it so bad.

  5. Rach – I enjoy your blog because it’s real. You eat real food that real people eat. Who really makes this gourmet stuff all the time? We all eat out, cheat, stuff our faces, eat to enjoy, eat to feel better… Keep it real girl!

    But I understand. I haven’t been posting as much lately because I’m at a crossroads trying to deide what to do with myself & I’m not ready to “talk” about it yet even though I’m pretty sure only you, my mom & brianne read my blog.

    And on I only post good things on Facebook. :)

    • Thanks. :) I think people who eat “healthy” all the time are either kooky, or lying about it. I have no shame about the fact that on occasion, I eat a bag of chips and 4 candy bars for dinner. The mommy guilt kicks in, though, whenever I let Lex have hot dogs or eat PB&J for dinner! Still, I think the vast majority of bloggers like that generally don’t work during the day (or the blog is their “work,”) or they have extra time on their hands b/c they don’t have kids running amok!

      And whatever you decide, I hope you don’t give up on the writing. You’re good at it. I still think you should work on a book!

      I use Facebook to pimp out my blog (not that it really works…Sometimes I think I’m uber-annoying with it) and rant. :)

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