“You Be Me for Awhile…”

I had a whole entry prepped for today–I do that when I actually have the time to devote to writing. Jay and I worked on trimming the hedge this afternoon, and because it’s been about a year since we’ve really done any work on them, we only did half. And we ran out of yard waste bags, so even if we wanted to keep going, we wouldn’t have had anything in which to stuff all the branches and clippings.

And because it was such back-breaking work (today, I trimmed and he bagged. Tomorrow when we do this, he’ll trim and I’ll bag), we’ve done nothing for the rest of the day. We watched about 3 hours of Father Ted, I ate a bunch of tortilla chips, some ice cream, and a Hershey bar with some peanut butter. That, and a Caffe Mocha from Starbucks while I was grocery shopping, along with this beauty from Buttercrust:

Are all I’ve eaten today.

In the hours I’ve spent today sitting on my butt, I’ve been allowing myself to wallow a bit. I don’t really know why–I got a helluva workout just in doing that half of the hedge. But I’ve been battling some feelings of inadequacies lately. It’s nothing I should let bother me–There’s nothing that can really be done about it at this point. I know I’m being cagey again, and I apologize for that. I’m just fed up with a lot of things that alternately piss me off or make me feel like crap about myself. Days like today, I can’t see past the fact that I knocked out half of a really horrid landscape/yard-work job…No, instead, I focus on the laundry list of home improvement-type things that we need to repair/replace and I worry about where we’re going to get the money to accomplish all this. I see pictures or read statuses on Facebook from friends and family spending time in places I only dream of visiting someday, or I read about other bloggers getting opportunities for trips/reviews/whatever that I’ll also never have. And I wonder why it drives me mad with jealousy or envy. Why do I care what other people do or what they have? I really don’t know, other than the unfairness aspect of some things. I work hard, and I can’t see the rewards I do have. Instead I see people I perceive as deadbeats or lazy sods reaping the benefits I feel like I should have. I dunno. Like Jay’s always reminding me, we never know what goes on behind closed doors. People generally put their best faces on and best feet forward, so what’s hidden away or under the surface could be a complete trainwreck. I think I’m just rambling about a whole lot of nothing, so I should probably call it a night.