“I had a dream. It was about nothing.”

Today was our last weigh-in for our At-Work series. I had signed up for the second of my At-Work sessions with the idea of getting to my goal weight, spending 6 weeks in Maintenance, then achieving Lifetime Status. Instead, I basically gave away $182, and gave up on myself. I had the tools, and the support from my friends and coworkers, but I got lazy and complacent. I’ve spent the last 17 weeks bouncing up and down within 2 lbs. of my starting weight (from the second time around–I was about 20 lbs. heavier when I did my first At-Work session).

I have discovered some things about myself in this last 17 weeks that I hadn’t realized when I was still losing weight. Number one, if I don’t receive almost-instant gratification, I give up on something. I don’t seem to have the patience or desire to see something to the end. When the weight was coming off, I was fine. I kept at it. Once I hit a plateau, I quit. I stopped tracking, I stopped trying to eat Filling Foods, and I quit following the program. Number two, no matter how much I try, I cannot seem to make myself like or even choke down most vegetables. I don’t mind salad greens, but rather than enjoy them, I usually wolf them down to get them out of the way, so I can enjoy my “real” food. I don’t mind fruit, although I have specific stuff I eat. I love apples. I love berries (with the exception of blueberries). I love citrus. I despise melon, even watermelon. I don’t like low-fat, artificially-sweetened stuff, and there are days/nights when I am perfectly happy to consume a bag of horribly-processed cheese-flavored snacks and a couple candy bars for my dinner. Number three, I really don’t care for exercise on a regular basis. When I do it, I feel better, I won’t deny that. But it’s hard to keep up with it, when there are only so many hours in the day. I try to get up at 5 each morning, but more often than not, I end up going back to sleep until at least 5:45 or 6.  Then it’s off to work, I come home, I get dinner on the table, spend some time with the bambino and Jay, and if I’m lucky, I have about 30 minutes I can carve out for myself before I collapse into bed.

I suppose I should attempt to manage my time better. And I shouldn’t give up on myself so easily. I do need to learn some patience, and not beat myself up each time I have a bacon cheeseburger and eat my fries and half the bambino’s. And really, I’m not that far away from my goal weight…15 lbs. is all, and if I get my butt in gear, I can attain it. I just need to realize that.